Monday, October 11, 2010. 1:43 AM

Well, this is my first year in public school, it's pretty interesting. I quite enjoy it academically, the whole actually having a teacher thing works out better. The only thing I don't like is how it's making my life so much more routine. While routine makes time go by faster, it gets very annoying to me after a while.

But I'll get to the real reason I'm writing this post.

Friday night, my church had an allnighter, an event that involves laser quest, bowling, broom hockey, and such. About a twice a year weekend event. Well, this year our old worship team, which included me, was asked to play a sort of show at the beginning of the night. I was playing bass at the time. So we met together the day of, and figured some "real" songs. I say "real" for lack of a better term, basically just non-worship songs, actual show songs. We put together a set, and we kicked off the night with a relatively successful performance. This being only my third of fourth actual performance show, I came off the stage feeling pretty good. 

They were serving pizza while we were playing, so, of course, as soon as we got off stage we went straight for the pizza. After a few pieces, I saw the rest of the band leave the room, but I was still hanging out inside. The room was very hot and stuffy though, so it wasn't very long until I left the room as well. I found the other members of the band, the youth pastor, and another staff member chatting at the front desk area. So I approached, waved my hello's, and joined the conversation. Then the youth pastor, without a word, slid me a wad of cash. I caught it with my hand, looked at him in a questioning look, he nodded his head. I checked it out, $25. I locked eyes with the drummer, he nodded his head excitedly, with a smile.

We just got paid.

My first paid show, my first profit from playing music. This shot up something new inside me, I kept my cool, but inside I was giddy like a little school girl at a Justin Bieber concert.

This brings me back to the fact that routine gets annoying and boring to me.

The road is calling me, I want to play music, and make money doing it.

Now, I haven't been doing so well in my faith lately, but tonight a very good friend of mine sparked something in me. She reminded me of how little time we have here on earth, compared to eternity. And how even if it's not being a pastor, or anything "churchy" I need to be living my life for God, my savior.

So here I go I guess. I have 3 possible opportunities to play in a band, each with a different instrument. So I guess I'm just going to go for it. 

Saturday, June 19th, 2010. 8:16 PM

I don't quite understand what's going on..

A couple days ago I had someone pray for me, because for a long while I've been dealing with complete spiritual and emotional apathy. I haven't felt any shred of emotion or connection with God in a very long time. Unless you count lust as an emotion?

Anyway, they prayed for me, and prayed that there would be a sort of "flicker" in my spirit, to start to kick start itself back to life.
Shortly after that prayer I started to have a little bit of conversation with God. I said I was tired of trying things on my own, and I just wanted him to take me and make me what he wanted. I also gave up on being who I wanted, because I've felt very fake for a very long time. And almost overnight, I like a different style of clothes, I act differently, I'm interested in a different kind of music. All of this feels so natural now. Is this really who I was inside this whole time?

I have no idea what is happening, I feel very odd, and am not quite sure how to handle it.
I'm changing so drastically, so quickly...

I guess it's better to have this all figured out before the school year starts.
My first year in real school, I don't want to be a confused, lost kid anymore.

I don't know how to end this one.

The end.
(That worked)

Saturday, June 12th, 2010. 3:56 AM

Hey there folks!

So, I'm pretty much terrible at keeping up a blog, if you couldn't tell. I'm starting up a little project, so hopefully I'll have something interesting to post about consistently!


To start things off, I played a show last night! Well, I guess it's two nights ago now.. Whatever.
I think it went pretty well. There wasn't that many people there though. Just me and my electric guitar.

Speaking of electric guitar, that brings me to my project!
I won't spill that many details yet, because it's still in the initial planning/seeing if it's even possible stage, but I'm going to be starting a lot of research/experiments soon. Probably picking up my mom's camera to make a video blog, and take pictures of random circuit stuff that no one(including me) will understand.
It should be fun!

I'll try to keep you updated!

myspace.com/trevordoesmusic
facebook.com/trevor.hicks
youtube.com/guitarjunkie123 (for when/if I get the video blog up)

Bye!

-Trevor

Thursday, April 15, 2010. 6:30 AM

Hey... I just realized how long it's been since I posted here. I don't think anyone reads these anyway. Oh well, it gives me something to do.

Well I moved, only like 10 minutes from my old house, so nothing major. It's bigger, a lot bigger. Considering my old house was a duplex, basically anything is bigger. We have a room specifically for recording, but my brother is kinda taking it over, so we'll see how that goes. My dad also finally got his "mancave", he has pretty big plans for making it a big hangout. Apparently we just got a couch, but we have to take it apart just to get it downstairs, that should be fun.

That's about it for now, I'll think of something else later.

-Trevor

Friday, Febuary 12, 2010. 4:33 AM

I hate being sick.

In case I haven't told you in person, Cameron and I are making a split cassette! Yes, that's right, cassette. Like tapes, the things your parents used to listen to. I get one side and he gets the other! We're selling them for $1 each, cheap cheap.

That's about all I have to say for today.

Thursday, Febuary 11, 2010. 3:51 AM

I apologize for the amount of time between posts, life has been crazy, and my blog just sort of evaded my mind. Well I guess I'll just let you in on what's been going on lately. My music is really coming together, almost into something I could attempt to call a personal "style". Very exciting, for me at least. Plenty of awesome things with God, "Driving under the influence." Good stuff. Leveling consistently on WoW!(Had to throw that in at some point..) There aren't a whole lot of specifics I can think of...


OH, duh. My family is moving!! Only a tiny bit away from our current house, not even a different school district, so no worries! It has so much more space than our current house(duplex) has. We even have a big room that we're devoting entirely as a music/recording room! So anytime after March, if you want to record, get a hold of me :D

I'm taking the steps to get into running start next fall. If all goes according to plan, I'll be doing a 2 year program at SFCC for recording. Basically that's my entire schooling... It's normal school hours, 7-2:30, just for this one program. The only actual school subjects I would be taking would be math, and maybe science. And I would be taking those at home.

Well, I'm sending my first valentine ever tomorrow! I'm not exactly sure how the whole thing works, or even what it means if she says yes. But it's still fun, and cute(yes, a guy can say cute). I made her my own card with a poem I wrote and everything, and added a box of chocolates to the package! Bowchica.


And about the new house, there's a 2nd 2 car garage in the back, that I'm converting into a hangout. Going to have worship afternoons(not worship nights, because of sound curfew), and bible study. Should be pretty sweet. Really excited about the house.

That's all I can think of at the moment.. Hopefully I'll be posting more often now. I'll be sure to post through the whole moving fiasco.

Later!

Saturday, January 30, 2010. 10:20 PM

I just decided to make a list of what bands I would say influenced what parts of my musical style...


Singing- The Spill Canvas, Armor For Sleep.

Light electric guitar- Armor For Sleep, Edison Glass.

Heavyish guitar- Fightstar

METAL- it all sounds the same anyway..

Guitar solos- Fightstar, Explosions In The Sky, Acceptance, Edison Glass.

Drumming-Fightstar

Saturday, January 30, 2010. 7:56 PM

I've just realized how much the music I've listened to over the years has effected my own playing style. Listening to songs from bands that I called my favorites, like Armor For Sleep, Edison Glass, and Acceptance. Finding little pieces that I didn't even know where there a few years ago. And to my amazement, these things that I'm starting to find in the music, are some of the things that literally MAKE my style. Did my brain pick them out subconsciously?

I would have to credit the bands previously listed as the ones who shaped the majority of my musical style today.
Of course, I have to give credit to my extensive metal background also! Haha. I honestly thing that having a heavy background makes you treat all slower stuff more like ballads, so they are more, dare I say, "epic". Just look at Secondhand Serenade!

Friday, January 15, 2010. 11:40 PM

Second week at the healing rooms. No special revelations today, just really enjoyed it. And another trip to Dick's afterward, them valley kids are starting to feel more like friends than the people here. Going to church together, and worshiping together are totally different. It leads to a whole different type of connection.

Friday, January 15, 2010. 6:54 AM

Nothing really exciting happening lately. I think I'm coming down with something though. No matter how hard I try to get back on a regular sleep schedule, I can't. Because I can't stay awake for a full 16 hours or whatever. I'm awake for 8 hours, sleep for 8 hours. My days are really off. My body is acting like I ran a marathon, I'm sore, exhausted, got some hardcore asthma going on, all these things... but I haven't done anything. No idea what's going on. Apparently I was on a list that my doctor got of people who NEED to get a flu shot for the new thingy that's coming, because we are more vulnerable, and it could be more dangerous. So maybe I'm catching that? I felt like I was getting a cold like 2 days before all this weird stuff started happening. Well, I get the shot on Monday. Let's hope I make it until then!

Note: The shot isn't for H1N1, I would've ignored that.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010 1:46 AM

Normal sleep schedule? Riiight.

Couldn't sleep, recorded another song, an old acoustic one. It's up at the same place as the other one.
I seem to be on a roll of resurrecting my old songs. Might as well see if there's any others I could do.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010 12:15 AM

Finally got around to re-recording a VERY old and terrible song of mine. New Years.. I know, a little late. I can't stop laughing at the old one! That's all that really happened today...

myspace.com/trevordoesmusic

Doit.

Sunday, January 10th, 2010. 1:10 PM

Church day, I could go on a lot about church, but that's not the intention of this blog. Today had a great start! Well I didn't sleep, so I guess it's a continuation of yesterday, but whatever. Anywho, I went to the Service Station, got coffee, chatted with some people, then went to the service that they hold there. Worship was led by Henry Nordstrom! @CameronGorman, THAT is the most indie worship team I've seen. Henry, Andy, Austin, almost like Catalyst but 20x better! Well, they started playing, went straight into the slow stuff, and never came out. Half of the time there wasn't even singing, they were just playing. It was the best thing I had ever seen(or heard, I guess.) Everyone was sitting in their chairs *gasp* worshiping.

Well Scott's granddaughter apparently has been sick for a few weeks and is in the hospital, I don't know a whole lot about it, but it made him jumpy and shaky and just all over the place while he preached. But he still got the point across! He said at one point that he simply made a few calls to ask people to pray for his granddaughter, and it ended up going to multiple mega-churches, there were about 15,000 people praying for his granddaughter.. He said "We can ruin church, but not the body of Christ." I guess that's the reason I'm posting this. I thought that quote was exceptionally profound.

Scott went from there into a talk about relationships, and how essential they are. The relationship with you and God, you and others, and you and yourself. He went into a lot of things with the "you and yourself" part. Telling us(himself included) to stop hating ourselves. I don't really know where I'm going with this, but overall I really liked the sermon. I also liked how he was on the same level, floor wise, as us. No stage or anything. Just in front of us, really close to us. Makes it feel really casual, as it should be.

Well, that was my day so far!

Saturday, January 9th, 2010. 5:45 PM

I think it's "funny" how I can be so ready to give something up, and then God asks for a specific, and I'm like "uhh yeah, I'll get back to you on that." Am I the only one like this? Why would I want to hold on to something that's destroying me? Does it make me feel good? Does it make me feel safe? Again this is just one of the things that I don't have an exact answer to. Just something inside me is saying "nah, I think I'll hold on to that."

Maybe I keep things so I can have an excuse to keep messing up. So I don't have a clean slate to get dirty, it's still a bit dirty anyway!

Well, I've fought through those now. But it was just yesterday(litterally) that I was like "You can everything BUT that! How does that sound?"

Well, I don't really have a good way to end this one, just trying to figure out why I might try to hold on.

Does anyone else have the same problem?

Saturday, January 9th, 2010. 12:30 AM

Tonight was an interesting night. First time going to the healing rooms. I realized how hard it is for me to press in when I'm not playing an instrument. So for the first good 30 minutes I sat there trying to figure out why I couldn't feel anything. I realized how much my mindset slips during breaks, such as winter break. During the school year I'm all like "Yeah!! God!! I'm gonna go to every worship night I see, gonna pray everyday, yeah yeah fire spirit move blahblah." But then it gets to break, and it's like I flip a switch. I go from "God, God, God, God!" to "Fun, fun, fun, fun!" So that's one reason I figured could have caused this numbness I was feeling(or not feeling). Then I thought a little more about what might be holding me back, what could be a wall between me and God right now. Instantly my problems with lust were brought to mind.

I tried praying the average prayer, letting those things go so I can focus on God, but nothing was clearing up. I told God that I wanted to go back to viewing women as Daughters of God and Princesses like I knew they were, instead of undressing them in my mind. Still nothing was clearing up, then I remembered hearing somewhere that you need to pray specifically, right to the source. This meant I had to name off every one of my friends that I had undressed, fantasized about, or even just checked out and said "I would". As you can probably imagine, this was VERY hard for me to do. It took a while too. After doing this I could finally start to feel some of the spirit breaking through. Things kind of gradually got better and more intense as usual.

Later on, they called up all of the Emerging generation to come forward, which is 30 and under I guess. One guy, I can't recall his name, was one of many who started going through praying for all the people who came forward. Basically just putting his hand on their head, saying a few words, then moving on. Occasionally one of those people would fall down. I saw him getting closer to me and starting thinking to myself, "He's going to stop longer on me, they always stop longer on me." And sure enough he got to me, nearly slammed his hand onto my head, started saying something about fire, something about people needing a leader, everything I'd heard before. Then he stopped and looked me in the eye. He said "Nothing but real, nothing but real" about 5 times. Those words really stuck with me, and I had them running through my mind the rest of the night. "Nothing but real, nothing but real."

How does someone go about being nothing but real? I mean, I've had my share of problems with "masks" and I know that the kids these days are just looking for something real, but I guess it never really hit me that I had to be real too. I pondered the words for the whole night.

At the end of it, the group of friends I was with as usual were like "Lets do something!" So we ended up going to Dick's, me and my friend Cameron had to sit in the trunk of the minivan, because there were no seats left. So we get there, get some milkshakes, then pile back into the minivan. We were going to a church to pray over it. We got there and one of the girls said something about having to go pee, but it was 11 PM, of course the church was closed. I made some remark to the fact that, being a guy, I could pee anywhere! Something to the effect of "I could even go pee right over there right next to the church... in fact, I think I will." I didn't actually have to go pee, I just wanted the reactions. So I walked over there, unzipped, said "This is cool", zipped back up, and walked back.

 Later after everyone had been dropped off at their respective homes, I texted a friend saying "I didn't really pee, I just did it for the reactions."

"What was the point of that?" She asked.

It was then that I thought about it, realized there really was no point... Or was there?

I saw what I had been doing for so long, I didn't have a multiple mask problem, I just had a one mask problem. When I'm around people that don't really know about how I really act, I'm the funny guy, usually the gross guy, the guy that's stupid enough to try stuff, all just for the attention. Would it really be that bad if people knew that I was really actually a deep thinker, that HATES perverted jokes, and just wants to be a nice person? Why would I want to hide that from everyone? I really don't have an answer to that.

That's not being very real is it? Nothing but real? More like everything but real.

So this is my attempt at becoming "real". I'm going to start posting a sort of public diary I guess you could call it. Not all posts will be diary posts, but I'll try to get at least one everyday. My days aren't all exciting enough to post a diary everyday.

I will be as transparent as reasonable.

Well, here we go.

Nothing but real.